Freak Engine

What is it with the resurgence of desaturated, post-apocalyptic, BAD, sci-fi fare these days?  Now we can add Book of Eli to the list of films that just shouldn’t have been made.  It’s not that it’s a terrible movie.  It’s not.  It just doesn’t have anything new to show us or tell us or whatever.  I felt like I’d seen it a hundred times before.

Yep, there was some nuclear war thing thirty years ago.  Yeah, shit people need’s kinda scarce.  Yeah, some mean kingpin (in this case, Gary Oldman) has cornered the market on the shit folks need.  Yeah, he wants something Denzel’s got.  Yeah, Mila Kunis is hot.  Yeah, they might as well have shot the whole damn thing in black and white.  Yeah, there’s some great music.  Yeah, there’s lots of recycled tech all over the place and most of it’s broken.  Yeah, the costumes are straight outta Mad Max.

The only reason I can imagine for the Hughes Brothers even approaching this script is that they wanted to make a black Mad Max movie without the cool cars because cool cars must piss them off.  Seriously.  This is a well-made film with A-list talent.  How they attracted this group of actors to this turd of a film is beyond me.  Maybe they left out the script when they sent packages out to agents.

The only shining light here is the score and it almost makes it worth sitting through this mess.  For some reason, however, three composers were needed.  Hey, if you need two directors you gotta have at least three composers, right?

Look, since I’d seen this one a hundred times before I could have skipped this viewing.  I’d suggest you skip it too and just listen to the soundtrack unless you’ve never seen anything like it in which case I’d suggest you crawl out of your cave more often.  Please, please, please, if you want to see something great that’s in this vein, check out Children of Men instead.

I’m a Romero fan.  There, it’s out in the open.  No, not Caesar Romero!  I’m a fan of the Zombie film catalog created by the one and only George Romero.  One of his lesser-known works, The Crazies, has been remade into a slick, Hollywood feature and the result is much like the other remakes of Romero’s works.  It’s classier, faster, and more entertaining than the original in a lot of ways but it’s also been stripped of its political satire.

Romero’s work is many things to many people.  Some folks just like the gore, others his commentary on modern life in America.  Sometimes his films work (Dawn of the Dead) and sometimes they don’t (Diary of the Dead) but they almost always end up on someone’s short list of horror classics.  Is this rep deserved?  Probably not.  Romero is more of a by-the-numbers filmmaker than you’d think, and he really doesn’t have the auteur chops needed for the capital-D Director title.  He’s more like the Kevin Smith of horror, serving up some interesting stories and writing via serviceable, if somewhat bland, direction.  That’s where Hollywood comes in.

Romero’s movies provide the near-perfect starting points for modern productions.  Even Romero sidekick Tom Savini directed a technically superior production of Night of the Living Dead in 1990.  There’s something about these films that makes you actually want them to have been technically better.  The ideas are there but the presentation is somewhat lacking.  What better fodder for Hollywood remakes could you find?

I’m sure this is one of the things that drove the creative team behind The Crazies.  This is a top-notch production, no B-movie look and feel here.  The cast delivers great performances, the script is tight, and the visuals are beautifully rendered.  The trouble is that while this film is much more fun to watch than the original, it has absolutely nothing to say.  Much like the excellent Dawn of the Dead remake helmed by Zack Snyder, director Breck Eisner (Michael Eisner’s son) has managed to ramp up the heartrate of the patient but he’s also inadvertently removed its soul.

Romero’s original is largely about the military and the way its members do or don’t follow the orders they’ve been given.  It’s about the government and how they treat their constituency in the face of a viral emergency.  It’s about everything that pissed Romero off in 1973 and it gets a little tiring, to be honest.  The remake is the exact opposite.  It’s scary and exciting and beautiful, but in the end it says nothing.  I think there’s an absolutely brilliant film that exists as a marriage of both of these.

As a side note, I should mention that huge chunks of the new Crazies were shot in and around my home town of Macon, Georgia.  Maybe it’s just the heat and humidity but Georgia seems to be attracting more than its fair share of Zombie films these days (Yes, I realize The Crazies isn’t technically a zombie movie, but let’s not pull the wool over our own eyes, okay?).

I really wanted to like this movie.  The original 1941 Universal picture starring Lon Chaney Jr. is one of my favorites despite its flaws, but this one?  “Yech” is probably the best word to describe it.  This wolf shit should have stayed in the pooper scooper where it belonged.

To be fair, this film was plagued with problems from the beginning.  Before shooting even started the original director, Mark Romanek, bailed over some petty “we’re not on the same page” crap and was replaced by FX guy Joe Johnston.  I think of Johnston very fondly because of his design work on the original Star Wars, but some folks are good designers and others are good directors.  Johnston just isn’t a good director.  He’s made movies (*cough* Jurassic Park 3 *cough*) that played more like committee meetings at ILM than screen stories, and he’s right back at work pushing papers again here.  If there’s a middle manager of directors, JJ is it.

The settings are glorious, making the LOOK of this film unparalleled in the gothic horror pantheon.  Even Coppola’s beautiful fuckup, Dracula, didn’t look as great.  The Talbot mansion is a place I’d love to explore on a rainy British day in October.  Unfortunately, look is all this movie has going for it.  There’s virtually no story, the performances are oddly disconnected (to say the least), and the music sounds like a temp track stolen from that awful Coppola film (Did Danny Elfman forget to renew his contract with Satan?).

The original Larry Talbot, as portrayed by Chaney, is a likable guy in a bad situation.  We feel empathy for him and the problems that have been thrust upon him.  Benecio Del Toro, on the other hand, is just weird as Talbot.  First, he sounds weird.  I don’t mean his accent, as he’s doing an American as best he can.  But wait…Isn’t this Talbot supposed to be British???  His father is awfully British, as are the townsfolk – BECAUSE THEY’RE IN BRITAIN!  There’s some throwaway reason young Larry was whisked to the states but it’s inexcusable for Del Toro to cop out on the British thing.  On top of that (as if I needed more to complain about) his vocal tone is just plain odd.  This Talbot is supposedly a famous Shakespearean actor but he lacks the balls, i.e.- he sounds like a castrato in some of the scenes.  God only knows what Del Toro was thinking but it doesn’t work.  Of course he isn’t helped by the script at all.

The Larry Talbot of this script is just a mess, saying one thing and doing the opposite over and over again.  This ain’t rocket science, guys.  We need to like Larry.  I wanted to like him because every time Del Toro was onscreen, I thought of Chaney and wished I was watching him instead.  Lord knows, Lon Jr. was no great thespian, but at least he made me root for his character even while he longed to be killed and released from the torment no one believed in.  You see, that Talbot is a nice guy who only wants people to believe him.  He reconciles with his father in the first act and thereafter has few demons except for the ones that are thrust upon him.  The new Talbot is fraught with…something.  Some of it has something to do with his father (played with some sort of gusto by Anthony Hopkins) but that’s only part of it.  Some of it has something to do with his mother killing herself, or maybe not.  The script wants to hold onto its cards until the big revelation at the end so we aren’t allowed to truly empathize with Larry until it’s just too damned late.  The writers should have stopped trying to be M. Knight Shama-lama-ding-dong and just developed the freaking characters!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*  *STOP READING NOW IF YOU WANNA SEE THIS STINKER*

I was still trying to like this film up until the point when I felt embarrassed for Del Toro and Hopkins.  The big, goofy reveal is the fact that Larry’s father is a wolfman too!  Surprise!  Just how stupid is it that a non-hereditary trait is shared by father and son simply by chance?!  Sure, the estranged father did the biting, and killed the mother, and killed the brother, and blah blah blah blah blah.  Actually, I wish there was more blah blah blah to be had.  Instead we get the obligatory amped-up action footage filled with way too much crappy CGI.  WHEN WILL THESE ASSHOLES LEARN?!  I’ll accept CGI as long as the story and the characters are solid.  Hell, I love the old Hammer Horror films and there are almost no effects present.  Those that are are almost laughable but the scripts involve the inner turmoil of the characters and their relationships with one another.  God forbid we’d get that in a modern Hollywood film that isn’t directed by Mike Nichols!

On the plus side, Emily Blunt is quite good but given very little to do.  If you fancy her, why not check out the overlooked gem The Great Buck Howard instead.  You’ll thank me.

Do I sound angry?  It’s because I am.  I’m seriously, genuinely, angry about this movie sucking so much.  Universal Pictures is really screwing up when it comes to their pantheon of Monsters (capital M).  I love those old movies so much that I actually would like to see good remakes.  These remakes don’t erase the previous films, but they sure do show me that virtually no one in power at Universal understands their appeal.  I suppose I shouldn’t hold out any hope for the Frankenstein remake or the Creature feature currently in development.  Hey, maybe they’ll hire McG!

BluRay Release Date: June 8, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: June 8, 2010

I’m not a huge Scorsese fan.  There, I said it.  I usually appreciate his films but the world that he comes from is so different from my own I often have trouble allowing myself entrance.  The end result is that my experience of his films can be shallow.  I’m wowed by the surface imagery but feel very little of the turbulent waters underneath.  The same can be said of Shutter Island.

The movie is an absolute tour de force of performance and direction.  What these actors pull off in this film is astounding.  I’m not even sure how you begin to approach such performances but they ring true, especially after a second viewing.  On first view, I found myself so caught up in the mystery that I didn’t even notice the many subtle clues scattered throughout.  An M. Knight Shama-lama-dingdong movie, this ain’t.  The conceit isn’t everything and yet it’s there, lurking beneath every surface.

For a performer, these sorts of roles only come around once in a lifetime.  I’m glad Leonardo DiCaprio got his shot at onen and boy does he shine.  If you thought the pinnacle of his career was Gilbert Grape or Titanic, you’ll be glad to know that this is an actor who is continuing to develop his chops in the face of fame and fortune.  Imagine how easy it’d be for him to coast on his good looks and celebrity (*cough* Ben *cough* Affleck).  Instead, he’s embracing his older, more lived-in face and seeking out roles that push him to be a better actor.  A lot of today’s young talent could learn from the path Leo has carved for himself.  When others are making appointments with plastic surgeons, he’s aging faster than even his peers.  It’s as if he’s willing himself out of his boyish face and into a more haggard, world-weary one that represents the people whose lives he’d prefer to act out.

The supporting cast is no less accomplished here.  Sir Ben Kingsley is equally menacing and soothing in a role that he was born to play.  He takes so many shitty roles it’s nice to see him in all his glory from time to time and we get 100% Kingsley this time around.  Equally remarkable is Mark Ruffalo.  He disappears in this film, and that’s high praise.  Like  Sam Rockwell, he’s often forgettable but isn’t that his gift?  He so accurately portrays his characters that we cease to see him as anything but them.  I could go on and on about each and every actor in SI but suffice it to say that there isn’t a single sour note here.

The other stars of the production are the cinematographer, the production designer, and of course, Scorsese himself.  This is as well-crafted as any film I’ve ever seen.  I could have made do with less green-screen work (most will never notice it but the lighting gave it away for me) but the images are beautiful and disturbing.  Scorsese’s used of falling water/snow/ash/paper as a major visual metaphor in the film is spot on as is his use of fire.  What’s truly raging is in the heart of the protagonist and the real question is whether he can escape the burning building of his own mind.

The music is equally appropriate if somewhat detached.  The soundtrack is made up of a large variety of found materials.  From classical works by Mahler to avant garde compositions by John Cage and Brian Eno, Robbie Robertson (yes, THAT Robbie Robertson) has assembled a wonderful pastiche of sound that holds together very well.  Unfortunately, this approach is rarely capable of generating the depths of emotion that, say, a score by Thomas Newman is capable of.  However, it does work on the surface level the way many horror scores work.

Speaking of horror, this isn’t really the upscale horror picture I was expecting based on the trailer.  I should give up on watching trailers entirely but they’re like colorful candies that it’s hard to say no to.  The modern horror movie is based on the idea that the world’s cruelties cannot be explained, simply endured or not.  Jason Voorhees, while having a rational explanation, is essentially a force of nature as is Michael Myers.  Horror films get into deep shit when they try too hard to explain these characters as anything more than forces of nature.  Just watch Halloween 6 if you don’t believe me.  I believe there’s much more thematically viable in the horror genre and I thought this might be the film to push in that direction but I was mistaken.  I should have known that Scorsese wouldn’t embrace horror, and yet the trappings of this film would be right at home in a haunted attraction.

This is, when all is said and done, a brilliant character piece that’s enshrouded in horrors (small H).  There’s a lot going on here and I’ll not say any more so as not to risk spoiling it for you.  It didn’t resonate with me until the second viewing but I believe that’s a phenomenon brought on by the video age.  Some of the most successful (artistically speaking) films these days are those you have to watch more than once for the full effect.  I’m not sure I like that as I don’t really have the time to sit through every movie twice, but it’s a way for filmmakers like Scorsese to push the envelope into new narrative territories.  Maybe I do like Scorsese after all.

BluRay Release Date: April 29, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: May 18, 2010

I really do understand why Jeff Bridges was the darling this awards season.  Let’s face it, there are very few actors who can pull off character roles so effortlessly that they can transform them into leading roles.  Bridges is one of the few.  The pity is that he was rewarded for the wrong film.

Crazy Heart is enjoyable enough but it lacks focus and really has very little story to tell.  Is it a portrait of life on the road?  Not really.  Is it a drunk pic?  No, not that either.  How about a well-rounded character study?  Nope, it’s too shallow.  It’s all technically well done but the first rule of Movie Club is you have to have a story to tell, right?  I’d argue that even documentary filmmakers today abide by that rule so why was this movie such an awards fave?  I think it was simply that everyone wanted to see The Dude win something and this was probably the closest they thought he’d come to an “academy award-winning picture”.  It’s a prestige title, a small, personal film, and it’s built with pride in the USA.  Too bad it had nothing new to say.

I’ve seen all the alkie films, from the biopics about Hemmingway to Leaving Las Vegas and all of them had one thing in common.  They had a point.  But now we’ve all seen them so many times that the new regime thinks having a point is a little bit much.  No, the postmodern approach is to have NO point.  Sure, there’s some decent music (that really qualifies more as country-rock IMHO) and great performances, along with some genuine worry about Bad (The Dude’s character) but at the end of the day the stakes just aren’t very high.  I’m not going to get into spoiler territory but I felt like there were a LOT of pulled punches in this film.  As if the director were scared he might actually stimulate the audience.  If The Dude were walking a tightrope here, he’d have been six inches above the ground with a safety harness and a big fat net.

Has everyone already forgotten Waylon Jennings?  David Allan Coe?  How about Hank Jr?   You know-the guy on Monday Night Football?  I KNOW you remember Willie Nelson, right?  These are the real people (in the genre known as outlaw country) that The Dude’s character was based upon and their lives were infinitely more dramatic and interesting than the composite created for this movie!  What was the problem?  Did Hank Jr. copyright the whole falling off the mountain onto your face bit?  Why didn’t The Dude fall off the mountain onto his face???  That would have made a better movie.  Instead he flips his car in an almost casual way.  Really.

In addition, there’s the ever-confusing casting choices.  The Dude is fine as a has-been country singer but we have Maggie Gyllenhaal (try spelling that sometime) as the confounding love interest.  I just don’t get her appeal, but besides that she does a good job here.  Better than her work in other films at least.  We also get the rare treat of watching Colin Farrell struggle to reproduce an authentic accent from some place in the American South that isn’t populated by Irish immigrants.  On this count he fails and the fact that he’s struggling makes him act too hard in most of his scenes.  Seriously, who cast this thing?

And one more thing- why why why do we keep seeing The Dude in various states of undress?!  He’s not an attractive man, Hollywood!  He needs that gut covered at all times.  His man-boobs are bigger than my first wife’s rack. Now I’m really scared of what we might get a flash of in Tron Legacy!