Freak Engine

I really wanted to like this movie.  The original 1941 Universal picture starring Lon Chaney Jr. is one of my favorites despite its flaws, but this one?  “Yech” is probably the best word to describe it.  This wolf shit should have stayed in the pooper scooper where it belonged.

To be fair, this film was plagued with problems from the beginning.  Before shooting even started the original director, Mark Romanek, bailed over some petty “we’re not on the same page” crap and was replaced by FX guy Joe Johnston.  I think of Johnston very fondly because of his design work on the original Star Wars, but some folks are good designers and others are good directors.  Johnston just isn’t a good director.  He’s made movies (*cough* Jurassic Park 3 *cough*) that played more like committee meetings at ILM than screen stories, and he’s right back at work pushing papers again here.  If there’s a middle manager of directors, JJ is it.

The settings are glorious, making the LOOK of this film unparalleled in the gothic horror pantheon.  Even Coppola’s beautiful fuckup, Dracula, didn’t look as great.  The Talbot mansion is a place I’d love to explore on a rainy British day in October.  Unfortunately, look is all this movie has going for it.  There’s virtually no story, the performances are oddly disconnected (to say the least), and the music sounds like a temp track stolen from that awful Coppola film (Did Danny Elfman forget to renew his contract with Satan?).

The original Larry Talbot, as portrayed by Chaney, is a likable guy in a bad situation.  We feel empathy for him and the problems that have been thrust upon him.  Benecio Del Toro, on the other hand, is just weird as Talbot.  First, he sounds weird.  I don’t mean his accent, as he’s doing an American as best he can.  But wait…Isn’t this Talbot supposed to be British???  His father is awfully British, as are the townsfolk – BECAUSE THEY’RE IN BRITAIN!  There’s some throwaway reason young Larry was whisked to the states but it’s inexcusable for Del Toro to cop out on the British thing.  On top of that (as if I needed more to complain about) his vocal tone is just plain odd.  This Talbot is supposedly a famous Shakespearean actor but he lacks the balls, i.e.- he sounds like a castrato in some of the scenes.  God only knows what Del Toro was thinking but it doesn’t work.  Of course he isn’t helped by the script at all.

The Larry Talbot of this script is just a mess, saying one thing and doing the opposite over and over again.  This ain’t rocket science, guys.  We need to like Larry.  I wanted to like him because every time Del Toro was onscreen, I thought of Chaney and wished I was watching him instead.  Lord knows, Lon Jr. was no great thespian, but at least he made me root for his character even while he longed to be killed and released from the torment no one believed in.  You see, that Talbot is a nice guy who only wants people to believe him.  He reconciles with his father in the first act and thereafter has few demons except for the ones that are thrust upon him.  The new Talbot is fraught with…something.  Some of it has something to do with his father (played with some sort of gusto by Anthony Hopkins) but that’s only part of it.  Some of it has something to do with his mother killing herself, or maybe not.  The script wants to hold onto its cards until the big revelation at the end so we aren’t allowed to truly empathize with Larry until it’s just too damned late.  The writers should have stopped trying to be M. Knight Shama-lama-ding-dong and just developed the freaking characters!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*  *STOP READING NOW IF YOU WANNA SEE THIS STINKER*

I was still trying to like this film up until the point when I felt embarrassed for Del Toro and Hopkins.  The big, goofy reveal is the fact that Larry’s father is a wolfman too!  Surprise!  Just how stupid is it that a non-hereditary trait is shared by father and son simply by chance?!  Sure, the estranged father did the biting, and killed the mother, and killed the brother, and blah blah blah blah blah.  Actually, I wish there was more blah blah blah to be had.  Instead we get the obligatory amped-up action footage filled with way too much crappy CGI.  WHEN WILL THESE ASSHOLES LEARN?!  I’ll accept CGI as long as the story and the characters are solid.  Hell, I love the old Hammer Horror films and there are almost no effects present.  Those that are are almost laughable but the scripts involve the inner turmoil of the characters and their relationships with one another.  God forbid we’d get that in a modern Hollywood film that isn’t directed by Mike Nichols!

On the plus side, Emily Blunt is quite good but given very little to do.  If you fancy her, why not check out the overlooked gem The Great Buck Howard instead.  You’ll thank me.

Do I sound angry?  It’s because I am.  I’m seriously, genuinely, angry about this movie sucking so much.  Universal Pictures is really screwing up when it comes to their pantheon of Monsters (capital M).  I love those old movies so much that I actually would like to see good remakes.  These remakes don’t erase the previous films, but they sure do show me that virtually no one in power at Universal understands their appeal.  I suppose I shouldn’t hold out any hope for the Frankenstein remake or the Creature feature currently in development.  Hey, maybe they’ll hire McG!

BluRay Release Date: June 8, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: June 8, 2010

I’m not a huge Scorsese fan.  There, I said it.  I usually appreciate his films but the world that he comes from is so different from my own I often have trouble allowing myself entrance.  The end result is that my experience of his films can be shallow.  I’m wowed by the surface imagery but feel very little of the turbulent waters underneath.  The same can be said of Shutter Island.

The movie is an absolute tour de force of performance and direction.  What these actors pull off in this film is astounding.  I’m not even sure how you begin to approach such performances but they ring true, especially after a second viewing.  On first view, I found myself so caught up in the mystery that I didn’t even notice the many subtle clues scattered throughout.  An M. Knight Shama-lama-dingdong movie, this ain’t.  The conceit isn’t everything and yet it’s there, lurking beneath every surface.

For a performer, these sorts of roles only come around once in a lifetime.  I’m glad Leonardo DiCaprio got his shot at onen and boy does he shine.  If you thought the pinnacle of his career was Gilbert Grape or Titanic, you’ll be glad to know that this is an actor who is continuing to develop his chops in the face of fame and fortune.  Imagine how easy it’d be for him to coast on his good looks and celebrity (*cough* Ben *cough* Affleck).  Instead, he’s embracing his older, more lived-in face and seeking out roles that push him to be a better actor.  A lot of today’s young talent could learn from the path Leo has carved for himself.  When others are making appointments with plastic surgeons, he’s aging faster than even his peers.  It’s as if he’s willing himself out of his boyish face and into a more haggard, world-weary one that represents the people whose lives he’d prefer to act out.

The supporting cast is no less accomplished here.  Sir Ben Kingsley is equally menacing and soothing in a role that he was born to play.  He takes so many shitty roles it’s nice to see him in all his glory from time to time and we get 100% Kingsley this time around.  Equally remarkable is Mark Ruffalo.  He disappears in this film, and that’s high praise.  Like  Sam Rockwell, he’s often forgettable but isn’t that his gift?  He so accurately portrays his characters that we cease to see him as anything but them.  I could go on and on about each and every actor in SI but suffice it to say that there isn’t a single sour note here.

The other stars of the production are the cinematographer, the production designer, and of course, Scorsese himself.  This is as well-crafted as any film I’ve ever seen.  I could have made do with less green-screen work (most will never notice it but the lighting gave it away for me) but the images are beautiful and disturbing.  Scorsese’s used of falling water/snow/ash/paper as a major visual metaphor in the film is spot on as is his use of fire.  What’s truly raging is in the heart of the protagonist and the real question is whether he can escape the burning building of his own mind.

The music is equally appropriate if somewhat detached.  The soundtrack is made up of a large variety of found materials.  From classical works by Mahler to avant garde compositions by John Cage and Brian Eno, Robbie Robertson (yes, THAT Robbie Robertson) has assembled a wonderful pastiche of sound that holds together very well.  Unfortunately, this approach is rarely capable of generating the depths of emotion that, say, a score by Thomas Newman is capable of.  However, it does work on the surface level the way many horror scores work.

Speaking of horror, this isn’t really the upscale horror picture I was expecting based on the trailer.  I should give up on watching trailers entirely but they’re like colorful candies that it’s hard to say no to.  The modern horror movie is based on the idea that the world’s cruelties cannot be explained, simply endured or not.  Jason Voorhees, while having a rational explanation, is essentially a force of nature as is Michael Myers.  Horror films get into deep shit when they try too hard to explain these characters as anything more than forces of nature.  Just watch Halloween 6 if you don’t believe me.  I believe there’s much more thematically viable in the horror genre and I thought this might be the film to push in that direction but I was mistaken.  I should have known that Scorsese wouldn’t embrace horror, and yet the trappings of this film would be right at home in a haunted attraction.

This is, when all is said and done, a brilliant character piece that’s enshrouded in horrors (small H).  There’s a lot going on here and I’ll not say any more so as not to risk spoiling it for you.  It didn’t resonate with me until the second viewing but I believe that’s a phenomenon brought on by the video age.  Some of the most successful (artistically speaking) films these days are those you have to watch more than once for the full effect.  I’m not sure I like that as I don’t really have the time to sit through every movie twice, but it’s a way for filmmakers like Scorsese to push the envelope into new narrative territories.  Maybe I do like Scorsese after all.

BluRay Release Date: April 29, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: May 18, 2010

I really do understand why Jeff Bridges was the darling this awards season.  Let’s face it, there are very few actors who can pull off character roles so effortlessly that they can transform them into leading roles.  Bridges is one of the few.  The pity is that he was rewarded for the wrong film.

Crazy Heart is enjoyable enough but it lacks focus and really has very little story to tell.  Is it a portrait of life on the road?  Not really.  Is it a drunk pic?  No, not that either.  How about a well-rounded character study?  Nope, it’s too shallow.  It’s all technically well done but the first rule of Movie Club is you have to have a story to tell, right?  I’d argue that even documentary filmmakers today abide by that rule so why was this movie such an awards fave?  I think it was simply that everyone wanted to see The Dude win something and this was probably the closest they thought he’d come to an “academy award-winning picture”.  It’s a prestige title, a small, personal film, and it’s built with pride in the USA.  Too bad it had nothing new to say.

I’ve seen all the alkie films, from the biopics about Hemmingway to Leaving Las Vegas and all of them had one thing in common.  They had a point.  But now we’ve all seen them so many times that the new regime thinks having a point is a little bit much.  No, the postmodern approach is to have NO point.  Sure, there’s some decent music (that really qualifies more as country-rock IMHO) and great performances, along with some genuine worry about Bad (The Dude’s character) but at the end of the day the stakes just aren’t very high.  I’m not going to get into spoiler territory but I felt like there were a LOT of pulled punches in this film.  As if the director were scared he might actually stimulate the audience.  If The Dude were walking a tightrope here, he’d have been six inches above the ground with a safety harness and a big fat net.

Has everyone already forgotten Waylon Jennings?  David Allan Coe?  How about Hank Jr?   You know-the guy on Monday Night Football?  I KNOW you remember Willie Nelson, right?  These are the real people (in the genre known as outlaw country) that The Dude’s character was based upon and their lives were infinitely more dramatic and interesting than the composite created for this movie!  What was the problem?  Did Hank Jr. copyright the whole falling off the mountain onto your face bit?  Why didn’t The Dude fall off the mountain onto his face???  That would have made a better movie.  Instead he flips his car in an almost casual way.  Really.

In addition, there’s the ever-confusing casting choices.  The Dude is fine as a has-been country singer but we have Maggie Gyllenhaal (try spelling that sometime) as the confounding love interest.  I just don’t get her appeal, but besides that she does a good job here.  Better than her work in other films at least.  We also get the rare treat of watching Colin Farrell struggle to reproduce an authentic accent from some place in the American South that isn’t populated by Irish immigrants.  On this count he fails and the fact that he’s struggling makes him act too hard in most of his scenes.  Seriously, who cast this thing?

And one more thing- why why why do we keep seeing The Dude in various states of undress?!  He’s not an attractive man, Hollywood!  He needs that gut covered at all times.  His man-boobs are bigger than my first wife’s rack. Now I’m really scared of what we might get a flash of in Tron Legacy!

BluRay Release Date: March 23, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: May 10, 2010

The story of Michael Oher is a gripping one that is actually made more interesting because of its truth.  Most “based on a true story” flicks get it all wrong in that they hardly leave anything from the original story intact.  While I don’t doubt that The Blind Side (TBS) fictionalizes many of the real world details, it gets enough right to ring true.  Yes, it’s filled with cliches and yes it’s kinda sappy.  So what?  Sometimes life’s actually sappy.  Hmmm.  That might look good on a T-shirt.

Several times during the movie my mind wandered into 80’s sitcom territory and I was reminded of Mr. Drummond, the benevolent white man who took in two needy black kids and was a mixture of Christ and Daddy Warbucks to them.  Apparently we white folks need something to assuage our white guilt over that whole racism/slavery thing and that itch has been continuously scratched by Hollywood over the years.  Many a black character has had some generous whitey character responsible for saving them.  It’s insulting to both, especially in the post-Obama world.

There was a great episode of 30 Rock a couple of weeks ago wherein Tracey Jordan, the black actor on the fake SNL clone known as TGS, decided that the Obama election was going to cost black people a lot because now they were all going to be treated like everyone else instead of benefiting from policies like Affirmative Action.  Maybe we’ll eventually be able to see movies like TBS without seeing poor black stereotypes alongside rich white stereotypes but that time is not upon us just yet.

While I know that the bulk of Oher’s story is true (as an avid football fan I’ve followed his story since he was drafted by the Baltimore Ravens in 2009 and as a former Memphian I had heard about him even before that) it’s still a little hard to accept the filmic idea of a white savior sweeping down to save Michael from his plight.  BUT, that’s exactly what happened.  Leigh Anne Tuohy stepped in to help a young man in need when no one else even noticed that need.  I don’t think that makes her his savior so much as it made the lives of everyone involved better.  Still, it can be hard to accept this glitzed-up version of the tale.

Have you ever thought that something happening right in front of you would never be believable if it were onscreen?  I sure have.  Lots of times.  TBS is a little like that.  Even though it really happened, the shiny Hollywood facade makes it play more like modern mythology than a real down-to-earth story.  The rags-to-riches fable is a familiar one in Hollywood but I feel like it denigrates Michael’s achievements and Leigh Anne Tuohy’s generosity to see their reality played out in two hours on my TV.

I should also mention that I loved the movie.  Football, the lovely Sandra Bullock doing a spot-on southern accent, Memphis…what’s not to love?  It’s just that it felt a little wrong to love it.  It was extremely well-crafted by writer/director John Lee Hancock and it held my attention all the way through, even when I could predict the next plot point ten minutes before it happened.  While the Atlanta locations really don’t look anything like Memphis, the look and feel of the movie is just right.

I hesitate to say that it was deserving of all the attention it received during awards season, though.  I think it, and Sandy Bullock by proxy, benefited from the fact that everyone wanted to give the real Oher and Tuohy awards but they just don’t give awards to people for doing the right thing , do they?

BluRay Release Date: February 2, 2010

BluRay Shipped From Netflix: April 28, 2010

What can I tell you about Zombieland that won’t give away the best bits?  I can tell you it isn’t really the parody of zombie films that the excellent Shaun of the Dead was and that it owes very little to the Romero catalog.  I can tell you that it made me laugh out loud many times.  I can tell you that the use of CGI in the movie annoyed me a little bit but I got over it.  I can also tell you that ZL has the Best…Cameo…Ever… and that you’re going to enjoy it more if you don’t know anything else before watching the movie.

So now I’m going to imagine that you’re going to check it out before reading the rest of this.  Is it a deal?  No?  Yeah, I know.  Spoiler alerts don’t work on you do they?  Well, I’m going to talk a little bit about ZL and my advice to you is firmly in print above.  Proceed at your own risk but realize that I won’t be writing another word about the cameo.  Yes, you could google your way to the answer and you might have already heard about it from your friends, but if I were you I’d disown those friends.  That’s movie watching rule number 27.  Don’t give the good shit away, alright???

Is the zombie comedy film a new genre?  Not really.  How many have we had?  Three, not including the direct to video junk?  Nevertheless, I think this is the obvious next step in the evolution of the zombie picture.  In ZL the zombies aren’t really characters in the film.  They’re hardly instrumental to the plot at all, as should really be the case, after all they’re pretty boring in almost every zombie movie.  We know what to expect and they live up (or down) to those expectations every single time.  What matters is the fact that there are very few people left and the fodder of the American culture is still out there waiting to be had and fought over.  This is a great setup for a comedy as it limits our cast, puts them in unique fantasy situations, and allows us to relax and experience killings, mutilations, theft, and wanton destruction without any guilt.  Killing zombies is like killing grunts in Halo.  It’s fun and it doesn’t turn you into a killer but it gets the urge out of your system.

Make no mistake, ZL is extremely violent and profane and deserves its R rating.  It’s not for kids but it’s an effective and sweet comedy for older teens and adults.  When was the last time you heard that about a comedy, huh?  Maybe 40-Year-Old Virgin?  Most studios want the broadest appeal possible so they pressure writers and directors to create within the realm of PG-13-land.  When they allow them to dip their toes into R-territory they usually end up pushing them into the deep end, delivering mean, raunchy comedies that push the limits of taste in order to cram more 14-year-olds into the seats who wanna feel like they’re being bad by watching.  The difference is that the characters in ZL (what few there are) are all basically nice people at heart and the movie has an inherent sweetness because of it.

The lead is a young Woody Allen-type, Jesse Eisenberg as yet another neurotic Jewish boy.  Are the Beastie Boys the only cool Jews out there (and, no I don’t think Adam Sandler is cool).  I’m really tired of seeing Eisenberg’s “type’ in Hollywood films (see pretty much any Michael Cera film for the same sort of character) but at least his geek chic here is somewhat tolerable because of the non-stereotypical elements added to the character.  First off, he curses…a LOT…just like real geeks sometimes do.  While he’s got a heart of gold he admits he doesn’t like people very much and used to be very happy avoiding them (you know, before the apocalypse).  He’s a survivor, like the other characters, but it’s his smarts combined with his anti-social behavior patterns that have allowed him to make it this far.

Woody Harrelson is a force of nature and is harnessed to good use here, as is the attractive-but-not-too-attractive Emma Stone.  Abigail Breslin is another matter entirely.  She’s simply awful in this movie and should have been recast.  I realize she’s very young and I’m sure she’s a nice girl but she couldn’t hack it with the other talents at work here.  I found myself cringing every single time she opened her mouth.  Maybe one of those little girl zombies could have handled the role.  They were pretty damn good.

The other “character” in the movie that I enjoyed immensely was the state of Georgia.  Having grown up there I recognized it immediately.  Over 90% of the movie was shot there and it gives the whole thing a look we’re not used to seeing in big studio pictures.  Maybe that familiarity made me like the movie more than I should have.  ZL certainly has it’s problems too.

The third act is a total meltdown of everything that comes before.  Most of the movie is filled with little character moments that add up quite nicely to an amusing whole.  The third act devolves into a zombie fight with few stakes and very little to distinguish it from the last acts of lots and lots of mediocre movies.  Thankfully by that time I had grown to love the characters so I went along for the ride and enjoyed it to a certain point.  ZL could have had a much more satisfying ending, though.

My other beef is with the overall aesthetic look of the movie.  Eisenberg’s character, Columbus (all the characters go by the names of the cities they’re trying to reach), has a long list of rules to survive by.  It’s funny and it works to sell us on this kid’s survival.  Unfortunately, every time his behavior indicates the observance of a rule, that rule pops up onscreen in moving 3-d lettering that gets old after a while.  Yeah, it’s funny the first couple of times but it wears out its welcome very quickly.  The same can be said of many of the aesthetic choices here.

There’s a lot of digital manipulation going on in these shots and it’s fairly apparent.  None of the blood in the movie was actually there.  While it looks pretty good, digital blood makes the splatters too purposeful and also too abundant.  Say what you will about mopping up blood, the cleanup will make you choosy about when and where you use the 2000 Maniacs-style splatter.  In ZL, the splat is everywhere and it gets a little old after a while (did I really just type that?  Wow.)  The whole movie has a digital reek to it that is only overcome by the strength of the script and the good performances.  Director Ruben Fleischer does little to help the movie be more than a reel to get him his next commercial gig.

I enjoyed the film overall and I accept the gift of the many laughs it gave me.  I accept it as it is but it could have been even better.  I keep hearing about a sequel being in the works.  Since this film takes place several months after the beginning of the zombie menace (most z-films seem to obsess over the inciting incidents) it still has a few miles left on the Hummer treads.  I’m hopeful that in this rare case the sequel could exceed the original.  Of course it won’t have that perfect cameo, but I think they could overcome that.